This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
