Do you still have your period?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
