let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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