Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
