Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
