New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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