is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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