1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
