i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
