I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
