So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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