OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
