i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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