dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
