she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
