do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
