omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
