Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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