and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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