You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
