Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
