Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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