the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize