im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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