Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
