Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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