While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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