he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
