OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
