just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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