id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
