The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
