i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
