at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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