so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
