somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize