honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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