Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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