You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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