I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
