im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
