I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
