A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
