I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
