I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
