I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
