Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
