I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Too much gin, very little bucket
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
