It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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