that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
