I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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