South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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