I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
