You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize