yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
