so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
