I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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