Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
