My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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