I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
