I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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